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Home > Music

Bet I have you naked by the end of this song

6 February 2004

There are two Americas. This week, they met each other at the Super Bowl. And they didn't get on one itty-bitty bit.

There's the America of MTV. In this America, the more your dancing looks like a stripper's, the more popular you are. Women are to be seen as much as heard, a white man can put his hand on a black woman's breast, and the horses are kept permanently scared.

Then there's the America of, say, Garth Brooks. Or of Celine Dion, or of Toby Keith. We've talked about Toby Keith at length. He's the man behind pro-invasion songs like "The Angry American (Courtesy of the Red, White & Blue)". His Shock 'N' Y'All album got into the Top 10 of 2003 with 2,300,000 sales, despite being released in November.

You see less of this America outside its borders. In this America, women only show their titties in hidden copies of Playboy. And those women are sluts. And if they were black - which they aren't - it wouldn't be white men ripping their clothes off. Not on TV anyway.

It's generally understood that these two should be generally kept apart. There are times when this is unavoidable, like Super Bowl, and everyone keeps a lid on it a bit. Bono didn't grasp this, which is why he asked the NFL if he could preach about Aids during half time.

The NFL said 'no thanks', because they knew that one of these Americas thinks that God invented Aids to kill fags. So why didn't they realise that in booking MTV to bring Nelly and P Diddy along, they caused Wisconsin to be deafened by a mass spontaneous cry of 'Ma! The TV's busted - it's got all niggers on it'?

It's to placate this America that everyone involved is rushing to shout how much they hate breasts, and how it was an accident ('wardrobe malfunction'). But, like with the Moon Landings, the conspiracy involves too many people to hold. Janet's breast wrangler has already spilled his guts. One thing's for sure: there'll be no dusky teats in next year's Final.

More boob-hating.

Comment on this article: letters@thefridaything.co.uk

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