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WAWIBF: Lady Archer

Poor old Mary Archer. Not only is her despicable meal-ticket husband out of the nick and back in her life, pursing his lips at her and insisting on prison-style sex, but she herself is also firmly back in the media spotlight (which naturally she hates), having to tolerate all manner of appallingly discourteous public scrutiny.

23 July 2003

Just as you will never read anything about John Bobbit without mention of his mutilated penis, so you will never read anything about Mary Archer without mention of the word 'fragrant'.

It's everywhere. More often than not she is now known simply as 'the fragrant Mary Archer'. When she wore the same ugly dress for two days in a row this week, the tabloids went mental with her. "Yuk!" spat the Mirror, rather childishly, "Not so fragrant now...." But what's it all about? Why did Justice Caulfield describe her as fragrant back during the 1987 libel trial? Was it simply because he fancied her? Was it really because he was genuinely bowled over by her stench, or as he put it, her "elegance, fragrance and radiance"? No, of course it wasn't. It was simply part of his plan to get Archer off. The Daily Star had suggested he was a whoremonger. Caulfield countered that Archer had no need for "cold, rubber-insulated sex in a seedy hotel" when he had the less than rancid Mary back at home. It was all bollocks. The chances are Archer, or some of his people, bunged Caulfield to help get him off at all costs. So he invented this awful wince-worthy nonsense about Mary Archer being an attractive woman.

She isn't. Neither is she fragrant. Like her husband, she stinks to high heaven. Their marriage is a dirty shameful sham built solely on mutual personal gain. They really are the vilest couple on the planet. They make the Hamiltons look like human beings.

Long may their public vilification continue.

More Fragrance:


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