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Home > People

Cherie Blair: has she got a piece of her brain missing?


23 July 2003

Cherie Blair is one of those people who appears to have had their shame glands removed. They're the sort of people who get their guitars out at parties, forcing everyone to listen to their dreary acoustic compositions because everyone is too polite to tell them to shut the fuck up.

Cherie's latest service to shamelessness occurred during the Blairs' tour of Japan where she launched into a fairly awful rendition of When I'm 64 during a jolly meeting with Japanese students.

Aside from whether it's appropriate to have a good sing song in the light of the disgraceful events that drove Dr David Kelly to suicide, thereís the awful naffness of public figures being 'spontaneous'. We are forced once again to remind you of Neil Kinnockís 'Well ALRIGHT!' speech.

And it might be wise for Cherie Blair to keep a low profile at the moment. She has consistently been criticised for exploiting her position as the Prime Minister's wife, whether itís using Downing Street notepaper for her fundraising activities, or her plea for privacy for her sons/property deals.

But how much more embarrassing can Cherie get? TFT can exclusively reveal that the following Cherie projects are in the pipeline:

  • Cherie Blair's The Joy of Sex. Using explicit photos of Cherie and Tony Blair in a variety of sexual positions, Cherie explains how to reach new heights of wide-mouthed sexual ecstasy.

  • Cherie Blair's Flash Dance/MC Hammer Fusion Video. Cherie demonstrates how parties can be livened up with a Flash Dance/ MC Hammer fusion performance. Watch and learn as Cherie entertains the Law Society, a G8 summit and a meeting of African landmine victims with some freestyle moves.

  • Cherie Blairís Poems of Familial Love. A compendium of 50 bowel-wrenchingly mawkish poems by Cherie expressing her love for her family, including the classic 'Euan':

    You are my sun and moo-n,
    As a child,
    I taught you how to use a spoo-n,
    So don't grow up too soo-n,
    'Cos I remember when you were,
    'Ga ga'-ing and 'goo goo'-ing,
    Not getting pissed in the street,
    And spew-ing.

    See also - this.

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