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Home > People

Believe In The Force Luke

Chris Evans. At the end of the day, it simply doesn't matter what the rest of the world thinks...

29 July 2003

Thereís no denying it: Chris Evans is an almighty donghead. Which doesnít mean that heís not also a fascinating character. He is. Heís both. Heís a fascinating donghead, and we canít have too many of those in the world.

Hereís a story about lovely Chris in today's Independent:

Chris Evans pays £7m legal bill but shrugs off losses.

Yesterday, SMG announced: "that it has reached a full and final cash settlement with Mr Chris Evans relating to the recent court case. SMG will receive £7m, which covers all costs and damages." And Evans is apparently going to have to find an extra £2m to cover his own costs. Not quite the outcome he was expecting...

His original statement after the court case (back in June) was this: "All will come out right at last, have we such faith in the goodness of providence." Alas, it would seem that Providence has come up a bit short.

Evans' statement about having "faith in the goodness of providence" is absolutely fascinating. On the surface, it seems like a humble submission to the divine will - very reminiscent of Julian of Norwich's famous pronouncement: "All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well."

It's certainly shocking to hear Evans using such terms. Until you realise what he's actually saying - which is that although the courts have found against him, in the court of God he will be vindicated: "All will come out right at last." Far from being a humble submission of the spirit, it is an act of vast self-glorification: he is "right" and God knows it, if no one else does. Evans is not bowing before God, he is throwing his arm chummily round the Almighty. Which, in this scheme, makes God roughly equivalent to Danny Baker. "Yes Chris, you're right - you're absolutely right - you always are! Shall we have another drop of the old Stella Artois?"

What's doubly revolting about Evan's statement is that it seems to be a paraphrase of Stanley's description of David Livingstone:

"For four months I lived with him in the same house or in the same boat or in the same tent, and I never found a fault in him. His gentleness never forsakes him. No harassing anxieties, distraction of mind, long separation from home and kindred, can make him complain. He thinks all will come out right at last; he has such faith in the goodness of Providence."

(Gentle and uncomplaining? Sounds like the Chris Evans we know and love).

So, Evans is aligning himself with Livingstone, that great explorer & evangelist - a holy wanderer, a stranger in a strange land, surounded on all sides by unbelievers, but driven by a burning sense of self-belief. Livingstone, as a young man, heard the voice of God telling him: "Go! Preach the Gospel and explore the unknown continent. Make disciples and open a way for the Gospel." Do you think a young Chris Evans heard a similar voice when he was busy setting up his Kiss-o-gram agency in Warrington?

Note: If you want to give Chris Evans a big fat slap (and God knows, youíre only human) you can now do so courtesy of Urban 75:


Itís not wholly satisfying Ė you donít get to urinate into his eyes and feed a hungry lizard on his tongue and ears Ė but itís better than nothing.

Comment on this article: letters@thefridaything.co.uk

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