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Ted Nugent: All-American Earthman

"All men are not created equal," says Ted Nugent. "Foreigners are assholes; foreigners are scum; I don't like 'em; I don't want 'em in this country; I don't want 'em selling me doughnuts; I don't want 'em pumping my gas; I don't want 'em downwind of my life - OK?"

WRIF-FM, Detroit, November 19, 1992.

But that's the dark side of Ted. Let's look a the warm and furry side...

3 October 2003

As the goosebumps rippled across my flesh like an undulating swarm of buffalo stampeding the prairies, and the shorthairs on my neckback stood erect and quivering at full attention, my mind raced with the exploding anticipation for the moment of truth in my face.

- Ted Nugent

So begins the unintentional homage to Chris Morris that is Full Circle, a rather haunting piece by the man they call, and apparently with some affection, 'The Nuge'. The cause of the author's rippling flesh and erect neckback shorthairs is the sight of a "handsome whitetail buck, glowing in the magictime of peakdawn firelight." The Nuge has been "watching him, celebrating him, for more than twenty intense minutes already." Of course, if you know anything about Ted Nugent, you’ll know that this celebration of deerhood is about to result in the animal's life-end.

"I held my breath and lazered my predator eyes into the life giving pumpstation zone of the beast." The heart maybe? Then he kills it. Then, to his credit, he eats it, or rather, in this case, shares it with his people, the people of 'Tribe Nuge'. For, say what you like about this blinkered bloodthirsty patriot, he is not some blood-sport pseud, poncing around in a red jacket and socialising.

He is, if nothing else, someone who practises what he preaches - "God's perfection of tooth, fang & claw reality with zero aplology" - and believes in what he does. And he certainly does an awful lot. As well as his pap-snide rock and roll, there are TV shows, radio shows, magazines, books, cook-books, 'kids' klothes', blades, venison seasoning, insulated lunch sacks, and lots lots more. And besides selling things, he does a lot of charity work, of which he's justly proud. Some might even say boastful.

This week Nugent was in the news for two separate stories. One was a plug for his imminent new TV show, or 'reality-based event' on VH1, called Surviving Nugent. In which a bunch of fake stereotypes join Nugent in his majestic Michigan wilderness and are made to kill things. At the same time, using a subtle blend of country-love, paranoia and extreme weapon-adulation, Nugent will attempt to break them psychologically. $50000 for the one he doesn’t skin and eat.

The other story however, showed the softer side of the 'Motor City Madman', as he addressed a forum of Arkansas teachers, students and lawmen about drugs. Nugent hates drugs. And he's not keen on those who take them. He advised the students present not only to not do drugs themselves but - after giving them one chance - to tell the police if any of their friends use drugs. He advised them to get their highs from nature instead. As he does.

This from 'Full Circle': "I was stoned on his beastness and all the dynamo of connected earth, wind, fire, tooth, fang and claw, time immemorial. This is how I get high. And I was soaring."

Ted Nugent. Hunter. Gatherer. Gunman. Godman. Hater of drugs. Lover of America. Prediction: Ted Nugent will be President of the United States in 2012.


More cult Nuge:

www.tnugent.com/ask_nuge.shtml

And some extraordinary Nuge quotes:

www.nocompromise.org/news/000731c.html



Comment on this article: letters@thefridaything.co.uk

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