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Home > People

WAWIBF... Answering prayers

14 May 2004

Much like aliens, religious icons have a terrible habit of only showing themselves to the truly insane and utterly desperate. Whether they hide themselves in bits of old biscuit or force tears from tawdry plastic statues of themselves, spiritual leaders - more often than not Christian figureheads such as Jesus and his mum - seem to be interested solely in appearing to those who are already a few communion wafers short of a full agnostic picnic.

This week for example, Christ popped up in Texas, shedding oily tears from a rather naff portrait of himself, wherein he appears, as he so often does, as an effeminate white man with a gingerish beard. The picture apparently began to weep WD40 in response to the prayers of one Gloria Fino. Ms Fino promised that she would say the rosary and read her bible every night if God intervened to help out her new-born grandson. "We have him very sick in Houston," she explained. "He's only 4-months old and he was born with his organs out of his body and with Spina Bifida." Praise the Lord. He certainly does move in some fucked-up mysterious ways.

Since Fino's prayers were answered, hundreds of believers have turned up at her little wooden house. Fino leads them to the picture, wipes an oily tear from one of Christ's cheeks and hands over the blessed cotton wool ball. Whether money changes hands or not has not been mentioned in any of the resulting articles, but if it doesn't, then God's idea of helping her is mysterious to the point of madness.

What makes the story that little bit more disturbing than the usual small-town dead-behind-the-eyes vision-spotting guff is that Gloria Fino, the grandmother in question, is only 34 years old. Now it may be wrong, but one can't help conjure up images of armies of slack-jawed Texan hillbillies leaving school at fourteen and rutting like inbred hoglets before their genitals are even fully formed. Clearly there is nothing to suggest that simply because both Gloria and her daughter were spitting out little 'uns by - on average - their seventeenth year, that sooner or later someone was bound to be born with their insides outside, but... God damn it, don't they have condoms in Texas? Bloody Catholics. Someone should maybe start praying for the miracle of sterilisation.

See The Christ in Question.

See Virgins Weep: http://weepingmadonna.org/photo_gallery1.htm

See Angry Teen Smash Virgin Vision:

Comment on this article: letters@thefridaything.co.uk

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