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Home > People

WAWIBF... Leslie Grantham

14 May 2004

Whether he's masturbating behind the bushes off the A3 or shooting taxi drivers in the back of the head, JFK-style, Leslie Grantham has always been something of a controversialist, so it shouldn't really have come as much of a surprise this week when the not-particularly-good television actor was outed by the People as 'a secret webcam pervert who exposes himself to girls on the Internet'.

The original scoop hinged upon his virtual relationship with Amanda, 'a pretty model and singer posing as a lapdancer in Leeds', with whom the actor communicated between soap scenes from his BBC dressing room. Then the Sun got hold of 'Emily', a 31-year-old mum of three, who was able to give more details of Grantham's rather tedious obsession with cheap plastic sex-toys and buggering lambs.

Unfortunately there are also pictures. Disturbing images of Dirty Den thrusting his naked Chegwin into the worldwide web, 'his flabby stomach and double chin visible as he pleasures himself'. Emily described for the Sun an occasion when Grantham was in panto: 'One time, when he was playing Captain Hook, he was just sat there in his wig, playing with himself.' Hold that thought. A more heart-breaking image is difficult to conceive of. Backstage at the Swan in High Wycombe, an elderly actor is decked out in all the frills, feathers and finery of an aristocratic pirate, a tragic figure obsessed with showing 'good form' but destined to wallow always in 'bad form'. Filled with self-loathing, the frustrated pirate slumps into a chair and fumbles around in his tights for his fading manhood. He locates it, brings it out and flops it across the blunt blade of his grey plastic hook where it sits, looking to all the world like a knackered, balding old mouse.

Whilst none of the above is obviously anywhere near as controversial as killing someone, it is, to be fair, not at all bad for a man of Grantham;s age. But what he may now lack in controversy, he more than makes up for in stupidity. He allegedly told Amanda, before showing her his cock and slagging off his colleagues, 'the last thing I want is someone finding out we are having a mutual wank.' Hmm. And this is the same sad and stupid man who had the audacity to call the sparkling Wendy Richard a wanker. Pah. They do well to shun him.

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