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Home > People

WAWIBF... Zambian hen nights

5 June 2004

A Zambian hen, who has not been named, was recently wandering about her home town of Chongwe fairly aimlessly, pecking at grubs or whatever it is chickens do when they're not laying eggs or being slaughtered for their meat, when a 50-year-old human grabbed hold of her and took her indoors. Once inside, the human, who is also unnamed, took off his trousers (one imagines) and sexually abused the hen (one knows, for it was reported). Unfortunately for him, his wife returned from wherever she had been mid-assault, and things swiftly went from bad to worse.

The man pulled the hen off himself (stop it) and immediately set about attempting to murder his wife. This is clearly one disturbed individual. You, dear reader, would almost certainly never sexually abuse any kind of animal, but surely, if for some reason you did, and you were caught in the act by a loved one, what you would then do is try and explain, maybe attempt to laugh the whole thing off or even break down and beg forgiveness or therapy. Only the very worst of you would try and kill your way out of the situation. But perhaps the Zambian in question knew what would face him if his wife lived.

But live she did. She evaded his murderous feathered fists and exposed him for what he was to the rest of the villagers, who in turn, admonished him. It is not clear exactly what form this admonishment took, whether is was mere finger-wagging or something slightly more Old Testament, but whatever it was, it was too much for the chicken-raper of Chongwe, who last Friday decided he could take no more, and hanged himself.

But fuck him. Let us think for a moment of the poor hen. Compared to that of say, a woman, or a bear, the vagina of a hen is not large. There is no need for it to be large, for the cock which services it is not renowned for its enormous chickenhood. So when a man forces himself upon a hen, that hen's toilet area generally suffers quite substantial damage. Unless of course the man in question is exceptionally poorly endowed, or the hen has been around a hell of a lot. But the point is, we can presume that this particular hen had already suffered greatly when the wife walked in and it all kicked off. So it hardly seems fair that the hen was then slaughtered, which it was.

In fact, it seems utterly barbaric. But that's life. Or, as Kurt Vonnegut told the Class of 2004 at Lehigh University, Pennsylvania last week: "Life is no way to treat an animal." Amen to that.

Comment on this article: letters@thefridaything.co.uk

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