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Home > People

WAWBIF... The Hoff

12 June 2004

Not long after the rather improbable story that David Hasselhoff was to be reinvented as a rap star by Ice T had horrified good people everywhere comes the altogether more palatable news of his apprehension whilst driving drunk in California last Saturday night. The 51-year-old satsuma-skinned icon was pulled over outside of a McDonald's restaurant, then spent the night in the slammer variously weeping, stroking himself and snarling at invisible demons.

Is this merely an unfortunate slip back into the alcoholism which Hoff-fans hoped they'd seen the last of in 2002 when their hero checked into the Betty Ford Clinic? Or is it, as we suspect, part of a new programme to badden up the image of the perennial good guy? After all, rap is a tough game and if the Hoff is to make it as the new Eminem, he is going to have to start playing the role of the mean motherfucker, which is nowhere near as easy as it sounds. Even Eminem has completely run out of ideas. After denigrating bitches, fags and his mum for the first few years, he is now reduced to rather childishly dropping his pants at ever possible opportunity.

Compared to this, the Hoff is off to a very positive start. One can only wonder what his next vile act will be. Will he be accidentally photographed pissing all over KITT's interior? Arrested for repeatedly fingering one or more of his Baywatch co-stars? Or tossed back in the cells for throwing a tantrum because airport officials refuse to let him board a plane with a fat stash of crack pipes?

No - scratch all that. According to a personal announcement on his website, the rap career is all nonsense. 'Contrary to recent reports, I am NOT making a rap album. I don't know how these stories get started!' Oh well, looks like he's merely back on the sauce. Never mind. He's still without doubt the smoothest man in show business.

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