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Home > People

Sinking like a pink torpaedo

20 August 2004

'Tell me what has become of my life
I have a wife and two children who love me
I am the victim of police brutality, now
I'm tired of being the victim of hate
You're raping me of my pride
Oh, for God's sake
I look to heaven to fulfil its prophecy
Set me free.'
- Michael Jackson, They Don't Care About Us


Michael Jackson is such a jerk. Whether or not he is found by a court of law to be a 'small beam regarder', he really is a total assclown. His antics this week have shown that he hasn't the faintest idea about public relations.

On Sunday, prefacing the start of this week's pre-trial hearing in Los Angeles, he perpetrated what is surely the most ill-advised PR stunt since Gary Glitter finished off his small portion of child-porn porridge and then immediately pursed for photographers in Regent's Park. Accompanied by unamusing comedian Steve Harvey, doomed defence lawyers Thomas Mesereau and Brian Oxman, and oddball brother 'Randy', Jackson paid a surprise visit to the First AME, Los Angeles' most respected black church.

Maybe he's hoping that if he strengthens his ties with the black community, White America will have a touch of the OJs and lose their nerve. Perhaps he has forgotten that he is no longer black.

At church he dropped in on a Sunday School group, where 35 children gazed up at him like sweet succulent lambs who have no idea they're tomorrow's lunch. One little girl asked him if she could come and see him at Neverland. 'You're welcome to come anytime,' Jackson squeaked. He later told 'Good morning America' that he had gone to church to 'worship and see the children'. Is he trying to be funny or what? Is this creepy inappropriateness all part of some elaborate bluff? Or does he genuinely not understand that inviting little girls to climax in his ranch is not befitting a man facing child-sex charges?

The whole show was generally treated by the media as a transparent good publicity stunt, but only the Daily Star had the gall to come out and say it, when on Tuesday they rather bluntly branded him 'a liar'. We prefer dumbass

Also on Sunday the findings of the investigation into Jackson's claims that he was 'manhandled' during his arrest and booking in November were published on the web. There is a copy here.

His claims were dismissed. The investigation, amounting to 2500 'man hours' 'did not uncover verifiable information that Mr Jackson was injured at the hands of Santa Barbara County Sheriff's Department personnel and no criminal misconduct on the part of Sheriff's personnel was identified.' There was no brutality. In fact, some prisoner witnesses attested that Jackson had in fact received preferential treatment. There was no dislocated shoulder. His doctor attests to this. There was no manhandling. Rather, it seems increasingly likely that there was boyhandling. Jackson now faces the additional ignominy of a charge of 'filing a false police report'. Which of course he did. The dumbass.

The hearing itself quickly became less of a media circus and more of a big-budget pantomime, when the troubled clown turned up with sisters LaToya and Janet in a tasteless black and gold double decker bus. All three were dressed from head to toe in dazzlingly obvious white. Michael even had white sticking plasters on three of the fingertips of his right hand. The loon. Around 150 diehard fans cheered and screamed. Michael waved his plasters and simpered like a retard.

On Tuesday Jackson's lawyers failed in their deeply suspicious move to have evidence seized in a Neverland raid thrown out ahead of trial. It's starting to look really, really bad. Bad as in bad. You know it.

And it will be a dark, dark day indeed if Jackson is eventually found guilty. His younger fans will finally have to know the truth about their hero. With their innocence snatched viciously away, countless childhoods will dissolve in a veil of confused and frightened tears. Countless small pink hearts will break, never to be fully healed. They'll come to be known as Jackson's children. And they may never learn to trust another human being again.

We pray that day never comes.

Comment on this article: letters@thefridaything.co.uk

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