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Home > People

WAWIBF... The Cruising Kind

21 October 2005

Britain's greatest tabloid biographer, Andrew Morton, is back. The man who squeezed every last cent from Princess Diana's emaciated carcass, and pissed with alacrity all over the personal lives of Monica Lewinsky, Madonna and the pitiful pairing of Posh & Becks. Now he's turning his attention to Tom Cruise. Cruise of course has been very high profile news ever since he embarked upon his whirlwind romance with the sweetly pretty and beautifully malleable Katie Holmes. Cruise and Holmes met what seems like only weeks ago on a Monday and, it is believed, fell in love on a Tuesday. By Wednesday, Cruise had gone into gooey meltdown on Oprah and on Thursday evening he had declared that - contrary to all appearances - mental illness does not exist. By Friday, Holmes had converted to Scientology and by Saturday tea-time, she had been impregnated by one of the straight boys at Tom's local Scientology clinic.

On Sunday they rested.

These are just some of the vicious rumours we fully expect to see regurgitated in Morton's exposť. And if they're not, we will have lost all respect for him.



Comment on this article: letters@thefridaything.co.uk

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