Alaska Pipeline too many, but when you remember that his whole schtick is humiliation, it begins to make sense. Oaten is never happier than when he's writhing in ignominy..."> WAWIBF... Premature Baldness
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WAWIBF... Premature Baldness

12 May 2006

A midlife crisis can be a terribly destructive thing in a man's life. Sure, women suffer too, but not like men. Take HG Wells' Mr Polly. So extraordinarily messed up by his own mortality was he that he actually attempted to burn himself to death in his own shop. However, that is as nothing compared to Mark Oaten. Poor old Mark Oaten. Seemingly not content with the level of mockery he has been receiving since the hideous outing of his anal sexcapades, Oaten told the Sunday Times this week:

'I doubt that, on its own, my dissatisfaction with politics would have prompted me to act as I did, but it coincided with something of a mid-life crisis. I was turning 40 and I really felt that I was losing my youth. The problem was undoubtedly compounded by my dramatic loss of hair in my late 30s.'

Hair loss. That's what it was. It 'knocked him for six' apparently. Anal six. He even received hate mail because of it. Or, if you will, pate mail. How awful. Like Samson before him, Oaten clearly felt that something of his masculine essence was contained in his flowing locks. And nothing is liable to send a man into the anus of another man faster than the feeling that he's losing something of his masculinity.

On one level Oaten's claim that premature baldness was part of what made him pay good money to football-shirted rent boys smacks of the syphilitic ramblings of someone who's had one Alaska Pipeline too many, but when you remember that his whole schtick is humiliation, it begins to make sense. Oaten is never happier than when he's writhing in ignominy.

Dirty boy.



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