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Home > Politics

Bum Face

Michael Howard MP has a bottom-sphincter for mouth. What does this mean? Charlie Skelton explains.

31 October 2003

It's astonishing how much Michael Howard's mouth resembles a tightly puckered anus in the huge photo they used on the front of Thursday's Times.

And it is only right and proper that it does. On so many levels...

The Tories, if they elect old man Howard (as it seems they will), are spinning themselves arse-about-face. They're like the tropical fish which have a false eye on their tail fins - so predators will think they're still staring them out, even when they're running away.

Just at the point in their history where they need to move forward, modernise, and face up to the challenges of a new Britain lest they slip into third place behind the Lib Dems, they are pushing Michael Howard to the front. Might as well have chosen Cecil Parkinson. Or Prince Philip.

Michael Howard presents a tightly puckered bottom-hole to the world instead of an open face. How can the electorate trust a mouth that looks like a wrinkled sphincter? What is going to come out of his face-anus which doesn't strike one as either a bit of guff, or a load of shit?

It's a disaster. The Tories are staring into the abyss: an abyss which is starkly represented by Howard's terrifying bum-mouth. The black hole of politics.

A new beginning which is actually an end.....


More bum here. Quite a lot more.



Comment on this article: letters@thefridaything.co.uk

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