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Home > Politics

Tony Blair: Shouting at clouds

27 May 2004

The right-wing press has been gleefully salivating over the story that Tony Blair is for the chop. While this story is a contrived piece of wishful thinking, the Iraq situation has turned into such a comprehensive cock-up that it wouldn't actually be surprising to see Tony go. (Or, more correctly: it wouldn't be surprising to see any OTHER prime minister go; Tony seems to have the sort of unshakeable self-belief normally reserved for deities and manufactured pop bands who genuinely believe their success is due to their own talent, and not their manager's ability to exploit nine-year-old girls.)

Tony will probably stick it out. But if he does go, as he will have to eventually, what will the future hold? He could always go back to law, but surely there are better careers out there for one so talented as Tony? TFT suggests:

- Jehovah's witness

Tone's got it all: the belief in made-up stuff, the creepy 'painted-on' smile, the glassy, brainwashed stare, the twitchy, unsettling religious fervour. You can practically see him calmly advancing down your garden path, ready to explain why blood transfusions are evil, and yet make it sound perfectly

- Door-to-door salesman

Again, Tony is well-equipped. The art of the door-to-door salesman is to convince the customer that buying their shit - whether it's utility contracts full of bogus 'savings', crappy electric showers with only two settings, 'too hot' and 'too cold', or mystery-brand cleaning products - is a GOOD idea, when in fact it should be obvious it's a BAD idea. Tone has had more than a little experience of passing off bad ideas as good ones: the war in Iraq, ID cards, computers in schools, etc.

- Madman in the street

Madmen in the street typically make worryingly disturbed claims: the clouds are talking to me, my dead father is controlling my thoughts, the Jews are controlling the weather, that commuter is in fact Satan and must be pushed under a train, etc. Now consider Tony's wilder claims: I'm a regular guy, we will bring peace and stability to Iraq, George Bush is a brave and good person.
Uncanny, isn't it?

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