On Tuesday night at Norway's Kristiansand festival, a band called Cumshots invited a young couple onto stage to perform with them. However, the couple - Tommy Hol Ellingsen, 28, and Leona Johansson, 21 - do not play any musical instruments. Rather, what they do, and they are very sincere about it so no sniggering, is fuck.
They do not do this willy-nilly however, or in any way gratuitously. Rather they fuck in public because, as it says on their website, 'Each year, huge areas of rainforest are systematically being cut down. Invaluable animal and plant life is being decimated to make way for commercial interests.' And why? Clearly because there is not enough fucking going on. Their website then, is called 'Fuck for Forest', and their agenda is to use public fucking as a way to raise awareness and money to help save the rainforest.
Indeed, they have already managed to raise around ten thousand pounds. But Norway's Rainforest Foundation has refused to touch it. 'I can not see that this helps the work for the rainforest,' said head of the Rainforest Foundation, Lars Lxvold. 'If the money is coming from illegal activity... we say no thank-you.' What a short-sighted fuddy-duddy!
What is more important - respecting an antiquated law that says that attractive young people may not make love in public? Or saving a few boring old - we mean excellent, life-sustaining old trees? We certainly know where we stand on the matter. But no means no.
All this week however, people across Norway have been whining about the couple's performance, and muttering things like 'won't someone think of the children', only in Norwegian. Ellingson and Johansson have even been fined, but thankfully they have balls and spunk aplenty and they refuse to take this official censure lying down. Instead they have vowed to fight for the right to fuck for forest in a court of law. As Ellingson put it, 'Our goal is to take over the entire commercial porn industry and transfer all the money to protection of the environment.' And who but the most cold-hearted of tree-haters or the most sexless of Widdecombes could not support such a bold and beautiful aim?
Inadvertently Ellingson and Johansson may actually have tapped into the future of public protest. After all, if we can 'fuck for forest', can we not also fuck for other things? What about fucking for an end to George Bush? Well, no, yo're right. That could never happen. Pah! Shows how much you know. Take a look:
As the good people at 'fuck the vote' so rightly put it: 'the sex drive is a powerful beast that has the potential to change people. People lie for sex, they cheat for sex, they even kill for sex - and you can be sure that they will change the way they think (and therefore vote) for sex. All you need to be armed with are your sexy progressive values, a razor-sharp wit, your genitalia, and a mindset that doesn't mind taking one for the team.'
And so they have produced a Pledge Sheet which would-be Bush voters must sign if they hope to have sex with sexy Liberals. The Pledge Sheet simply declares that the signee will not under any circumstance vote for Bush in the upcoming general election. Not if they want to get any right now.
So it seems that whatever your political agenda, whatever you want to achieve, fucking is the way forward. Fucking in fact, has come into its own.
The other side of the fucking coin:
Fuck for Forest: http://www.fuckforforest.com