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Home > Politics

The TFT Guide To: What David said

This week David Blunkett finally resigned over the issue of fast tracking a visa, but he'd already marked his card after his scathing criticisms of cabinet colleagues appeared in a new biography of him. But what exactly did he have to say about his fellow New Labour politicians?

18 December 2004

1) John Prescott: 'I often had cause for concern that John had been promoted far above his own personal capabilities. That and the fact that he's a big shitty cock tosser.'

2) Jack Straw: 'Remember how Jack used to be a four-eyed cunt? Well, the reason he got contact lenses was because he wanted to get his end away with Clare Short, right? That's true, right? Anyway, it didn't do him any good 'cos she's a lezza. Yeah. She's going out with Mo Mowlam. And that's true, right? Pair of carpet munchers.'

3) Gordon Brown: 'Gordon is one of the most impressive chancellors of the exchequer since the Second World War. Three things mark him out: an ability to grasp complex economic and financial issues, a genuine desire to see a fair and equitable society, and a tiny little cock like a mouse's.'

4) Charles Clarke: 'Charles has a deserved reputation as a political bruiser, and rather enjoys his reputation as a hard man. Although from what I hear, the only time he's really a hard man is when he's in the sauna at his private, men-only gym.'

5) Tony Blair: 'I have enormous respect for The Human Turd. Old Toilet Breath was instrumental in making Labour electable after years in the wilderness and for that we can only be grateful to Sir Bogface Smells-a-Lot.'

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