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Home > Politics

Campaign In The Arse

9 February 2005

Earlier this week, like some penny-pinching, rent-hiking Jewboy, all slimy and ancient with eerily illuminated Beadlesque hands flashing before our eyes, Michael Howard gurned out from the government's would-be re-election posters, swinging his got-to-pick-a-pocket-or-two-watch and telling us - in New Labour's Nazi-twisted Semite-hating kike-baiting evilspeak - that if the Conservatives were to come to power, Howard himself would personally come round to your house, empty your pockets, extract a pound of flesh from your sleeping children and leave a trail of skullcaps to Romania.

Howard however, wasn't saying that at all. (He'd like to of course. He just lacks the necessary chutzpah.) Neither in the cold dull light of reality, were New Labour's image-bogeys thinking along those lines. But they should have been. Ideas and images are their bread; association and inference are their butter. So why on earth didn't they foresee the pitfalls of such a catastrophic campaign hook? Well, essentially because they're cunts. Short-sighted thick-headed terrified fuckwitted cunts who can't see the rainbow for the pots of gold, and then when they fall flat on their faces and are picked up on their ignorance and idiocy they don't even have the balls or the decency or the intelligence or whatever it takes to own up to it. Useless cunts they are, who - guilty of nothing more than braindead power-farming pig-ignorance with mole-level vision - run scuttling and bleating, backtracking and retracting at the first sign of a potentially swing-loosening backlash.

Labour campaign spokesman Fraser Kemp had next to nothing to say in justification: 'It's been misunderstood,' he whimpered, tears in his eyes as he blushed at the microphones. '[Howard] is just supposed to be a hypnotist. It wasn't really my department. I'm just a bogey in a suit,' he continued. 'If you want to know the truth, none of us really know what we're doing,' he said. 'We're shit,' he added. The theme of the posters, he pointed out, like it was something to be proud of, 'is that the Tories are trying to con you.' And herein, right in the kernel of this very sordid nutshell, lies the whole problem with politics in modern society.

The policies of the Labour party are so ineffectual, so transparent or so unpalatable that rather than put them on display, they hide behind cheap schoolyard jibes. Ooh look. Here's Howard and Letwin cast as flying pigs. How amusing. How damning. How fucking dare they? How dare they squander the money for which we work off our arses on this piss-poor substitute for politics? Negative campaigning is the last resort of a party without anything to say. It's an extraordinarily stark and dark indictment of the last 50 years that it has become the norm.

Indeed, with politics as hollow and insulting as this, whining about anti-Semitism is about all it deserves.



Comment on this article: letters@thefridaything.co.uk

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