- About TFT
Friday Thing Archive
- Politics
- Media
- Culture and Society
- War On Terror
- People
- Places
- World
- Popped Clogs
- Music
- Books
- Film
- Etc
Help And Info
- Contact Details
- Advertising
- Jobs
- Privacy Policy
- XML Feed

Home > Politics

A Time For Total Ruthlessness

13 May 2006

Ruth Kelly is an idiot, and she should be removed from political office immediately. Does that sound harsh? It isn't. Well, maybe it is, but sadly, it's demonstrably true. We don't say she's an idiot incidentally, because she believes in God. That wouldn't be entirely fair - not entirely. Or... actually, maybe it would. Bugger, we're in two minds. We're loath to say it because frankly, it sounds discriminatory, slightly fascist. But then again... In this day and age? God? FFS. Anyway, no, Ruth Kelly is an idiot because, as her comments in an interview with Radio 5 earlier this week illustrate, she believes that homosexuality is a sin. Or at least, she isn't prepared to say that it isn't. So she's an idiot. And let's face it, something of a twat.

There are those however, who claim that Kelly's view that homosexuality is wrong in the eyes of the Lord need not interfere with her official role as Minister for Equality. Hmm. Then why not get Nick Griffin to do the job? Seriously though, what if Kelly had vacillated over the question of whether being black is a sin, or disabled, or Jewish, or Muslim or female or from the north? There would be justifiable outrage. Kelly would be accused not only of showing insurmountable prejudice, but of being a complete barking fuckwit.

In the Guardian's 'comment is free' section online (that's free as in predominantly unpaid), columnist and self-confessed long-time personal friend of the arch-Catholic, Larry Elliott asks 'Who cares what she thinks? The test is what she does.' Essentially then, it's OK to despise homosexuals in God's name, just so long as she doesn't legislate against them. He says more:

'She has always been a devout Catholic, with strong views about divorce, contraception and abortion. Although we have never talked about it, I dare say she has orthodox views about homosexuality as well. But so what?'

It's almost as if he thinks that using the word 'orthodox' makes it OK. But we know what orthodox means in this context. It means, in a nutshell, that she disdains, fears and ultimately despises homosexuality. Which means, in a nutshell, that she is a raging cerebral troglodyte who should not only be prohibited from taking any part in any form of government, but who should probably be excluded from society in general. Like a leper.

God, she gets on our nerves. On the one hand, it's her God-fearing queer-hating that rankles; on the other, it's her lack of balls. If she thinks homosexuality is a sin, she should have the strength of her convictions and go out of her way to stamp it out. It's a sin. An offence to God. However, if she promises not to bring her beliefs to bear in her work for the government, then she's a weak-willed two-faced sack of short-sighted shit. Either way, she's not the kind of woman who we should have as our new Secretary of State for Communities and Local Government.

We mustn't forget of course, that New Labour's record on gay issues has been one of the very few genuine successes of their time in power - the equalising of the gay age of consent and the introduction of civil partnerships alone are more than most people would have dared hope for. However, we know that this had nothing whatsoever to do with Ruth Kelly, who has consistently refused to vote on any issue which might fly in the face of her unwavering God-given hatred of all things homo.

'I passionately believe there should not be discrimination,' she told Radio 5. No, there shouldn't, Ruth, but there clearly is. After all, that's what being a devout Catholic and Opus Dei member is all about.


Comment on this article: letters@thefridaything.co.uk

Subscribe to The Friday Thing for free

Bad words ahead The Friday Thing is a weekly email comment sheet. Casting a cynical eye over the week's events, it is rarely fair and never balanced.

A selection of articles from each week's issue appear online, but to enjoy the full Thing, delivered by email every Friday - as well as access to almost five years of back issues - you'll need to subscribe. It's absolutely free.

"Razor-sharp comment and gossip." - The Sunday Times

"Hilariously cynical..To describe it as 'irreverent' is to do the newsletter an injustice." - The Observer

"Sharp, intelligent, opinionated, uncompromising and very, very funny. Just like 'Private Eye' used to be." - Alec McKelland

"Wicked" - Channel 4

"Ace" - Time Out

"'We rise once again in advocacy of The Friday Thing. We realize that some of you may be unwilling to spend [your money] on plain-text comment, but you're only depriving yourself." - The Minor Fall, The Major Lift

"Subscribing to this at the beginning of the year was undoubtedly one of the better decisions I've made. Superlative, and utterly marvellous. I look forward to Fridays now, because I can't wait for the next issue. Fucking fucking brilliant." - Meish.org

"Featuring writers from The Observer, Smack The Pony and The 11 O'Clock Show... will continue to attract new subscribers sight unseen" - NeedToKnow

"The Friday Thing is so good it's stopping me from doing a bunk of a Friday afternoon." - Annie Blinkhorn (The Erotic Review)

"So now" - The Evening Standard

"Damn it, you rule. May you never, ever back down." - Paul Mayze

"Ace" - PopJustice

"Snarky" - Online Journalism Review

"Can you please stop making me laugh out loud... I'm supposed to be working, you know!" - Tamsin Tyrwhitt

"Your coverage of stuff as it spills is right on the money." - Mike Woods

"Popbitch with A-Levels." - Tim Footman

"In an inbox full of trite work-related nonsense, TFT shines from under its subject heading like the sun out of Angus Deayton's arse." - Nikki Hunt

"A first rate email. It's become an integral part of my week, and my life would be empty and meaningless without it (well, *more* empty and meaningless anyway)." - Mark Pugh

"Genius, absolute bit of class. And you can quote me on that." - Lee Neville

"If you're hipper than hell, this is what you read." - MarketingSherpa

"The most entertaining email I've had all week. Great tone." - Matthew Prior

"A massive and engrossing wit injection." - idiotica.co.uk

"I wouldn't know satire if it bit me on the arse. But I did like the Naomi Campbell joke." - Matt Kelly (The Mirror)

"Has had an understandably high profile among people who know about these things." - Guy Clapperton (Guardian Online)

"Satirical sideswipes at the burning issues of the day." - Radio 5 Live

"Puerile and worthless... Truly fabulous... Do read the whole thing." - Stephen Pollard

The Friday Thing 2001-2008 - All Rights Reserved