- About TFT
Friday Thing Archive
- Politics
- Media
- Culture and Society
- War On Terror
- People
- Places
- World
- Popped Clogs
- Music
- Books
- Film
- Etc
Help And Info
- Contact Details
- Advertising
- Jobs
- Privacy Policy
- XML Feed

Home > Popped Clogs

Ten things you didn't know about the Queen Mother

30 March 2002

1) Her nose was made from the same silicon compound that coats the Space Shuttle. It was attached by NASA doctors during a commercial break in Channel 4 Racing in June 1992.

2) Up until 1998, she was officially the seventh largest consumer of Tequila in the world, after Canada.

3) She once called C.S.Lewis a cunt.

4) She used to make the young Prince Edward wear her old bra and knickers and march up and down the gardens of Buckingham Palace with an old pair of laundry tongs as a baton, while the gardeners pelted him with fir cones. She said it would help give him character.

5) She enjoyed the works of Charles Dickens - in particular, the character of Captain Cuttle in Dombey and Son. In fact, in later years, she would come to address all of her close friends and relations as "Captain Cuttle" - and insisted that they address her as "Uncle Sol." This was typical of her whimsical and puckish mind.

6) Every morning, she would spend half an hour in the company of a heavily sedated tiger. This was her private time. She was always fascinated by the natural world, and would spend many minutes inspecting the genitals of the tiger, sometimes sketching, other times making rubber moulds.

7) She combed her hair with a bunsen burner.

8) Prince Charles is actually her child. She conceived him after a Royal Variety Performance. Rumour has it that a young Dennis Nordon did a turn that night.

9) Scientists estimate that her body will take 17 days to attain room temperature.

10) The Palace bar-staff named a cocktail in her honour. The 'Queen Mum' is thee parts gin, two parts benzedrine, four parts gin, eight parts scotch, five parts gin, two parts Duckhams Supergrade, seven parts Benson and Hedges, and a heaped teaspoon of hundreds and thousands.

Comment on this article: letters@thefridaything.co.uk

Subscribe to The Friday Thing for free

Bad words ahead The Friday Thing is a weekly email comment sheet. Casting a cynical eye over the week's events, it is rarely fair and never balanced.

A selection of articles from each week's issue appear online, but to enjoy the full Thing, delivered by email every Friday - as well as access to almost five years of back issues - you'll need to subscribe. It's absolutely free.

"Razor-sharp comment and gossip." - The Sunday Times

"Hilariously cynical..To describe it as 'irreverent' is to do the newsletter an injustice." - The Observer

"Sharp, intelligent, opinionated, uncompromising and very, very funny. Just like 'Private Eye' used to be." - Alec McKelland

"Wicked" - Channel 4

"Ace" - Time Out

"'We rise once again in advocacy of The Friday Thing. We realize that some of you may be unwilling to spend [your money] on plain-text comment, but you're only depriving yourself." - The Minor Fall, The Major Lift

"Subscribing to this at the beginning of the year was undoubtedly one of the better decisions I've made. Superlative, and utterly marvellous. I look forward to Fridays now, because I can't wait for the next issue. Fucking fucking brilliant." - Meish.org

"Featuring writers from The Observer, Smack The Pony and The 11 O'Clock Show... will continue to attract new subscribers sight unseen" - NeedToKnow

"The Friday Thing is so good it's stopping me from doing a bunk of a Friday afternoon." - Annie Blinkhorn (The Erotic Review)

"So now" - The Evening Standard

"Damn it, you rule. May you never, ever back down." - Paul Mayze

"Ace" - PopJustice

"Snarky" - Online Journalism Review

"Can you please stop making me laugh out loud... I'm supposed to be working, you know!" - Tamsin Tyrwhitt

"Your coverage of stuff as it spills is right on the money." - Mike Woods

"Popbitch with A-Levels." - Tim Footman

"In an inbox full of trite work-related nonsense, TFT shines from under its subject heading like the sun out of Angus Deayton's arse." - Nikki Hunt

"A first rate email. It's become an integral part of my week, and my life would be empty and meaningless without it (well, *more* empty and meaningless anyway)." - Mark Pugh

"Genius, absolute bit of class. And you can quote me on that." - Lee Neville

"If you're hipper than hell, this is what you read." - MarketingSherpa

"The most entertaining email I've had all week. Great tone." - Matthew Prior

"A massive and engrossing wit injection." - idiotica.co.uk

"I wouldn't know satire if it bit me on the arse. But I did like the Naomi Campbell joke." - Matt Kelly (The Mirror)

"Has had an understandably high profile among people who know about these things." - Guy Clapperton (Guardian Online)

"Satirical sideswipes at the burning issues of the day." - Radio 5 Live

"Puerile and worthless... Truly fabulous... Do read the whole thing." - Stephen Pollard

The Friday Thing 2001-2008 - All Rights Reserved