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Home > War On Terror

The Twin Towels

11 September 2002

Before it happened, noone could have predicted that the bombing of the Twin Towers was going to happen. [Good stuff. Keep going. And don't forget the towels - Ed.]

But exactly one year ago the Twin Towers were bombed to fuck, and a double fireball of despair has warmed even the coldest hearts. [Remember the towels - Ed.]

Who has not been touched by the heartfelt and moving blanket coverage devoted to 9-11 by media whose genuine motives are to salute the heroism of the 3,000 helpless victims and which is definitely *not* part of a grim circulation / ratings war?

Who could not have been moved to tears by the sight of mediocre - some would say despised - politicians like George W. Bush, Tony Blair or Iain Duncan Smith given the chance to play at Winston Churchill and make insincere pronouncements about Our Sorrow had it not been for 9-11?

And who could not be inspired by the sheer chutzpah of the countless liggers hopping on the 9-11 bandwagon?

We don't just mean failing companies who blamed their collapse on 9-11, rather than their own stupid business plan to sell Zimmer frames online. No, we also mean all the nonentities who knew someone whose brother's best mate's ex- girlfriend used to know someone who worked in New York in 1998, and have been banging on about 9-11 ever since as though you were there yourself.

Not wishing to be left out of this ground zero of grief, we at the TFT know our readers want to be able to pay their respects.

And what better way to show your respect for the dead than with our LIMITED EDITION 9-11 TWIN TOWELS, two premium quality beach towels in thick, luxurious Terry-towelling. And at just 12.95 (+p&p), the grief that struck your hearts needn't strike your pocket as well!

Each towel depicts one of the blazing twin towers, above which is the simple yet tearjerking question: 'WHY?'

And if you're thinking all this sounds a bit depressing, turn that frown upside down!

Because at the base of the towers, all your favourite Disney characters are dressed as New York firefighters, saving heroic office workers as Osama Bin Laden looks on, annoyed at the triumph of True Grit that will certainly defeat his sick, twisted, Arab plot!

So don't delay! Send cheques, postal orders or cash to TFT and remember the 3,000 dead every time you awkwardly use the towel to help you change out of your wet swimwear on a beach in Portugal.

...

NB. BUY NOW and get a FREE VIDEO: 'How Newsreaders Look Grave By Visualising Pineapples Up Their Arses', a guide to furthering your career by top ITN newsreaders.



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