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Home > War On Terror

What's next for Saddam?

20 December 2003

Poor old Saddam. One minute you're commander in chief of the Axis of Evil, the next minute you're living in a hole with only a lump of Styrofoam for a friend. Still, at least he must know how Les Dennis feels.

But what does the future hold for Mr Hussein...?

1) A hideous consortium of showbiz scum including Simon Cowell, Max Clifford and Pete Waterman capitalises on Saddam's notoriety with a Christmas single, featuring Saddam, Geri Halliwell, Linda Barker and Jon Tickle performing 'I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus (And Fed Him Into a Plastics Shredder)'.

2) Saddam flown to US to act as emergency 'bogeyman' to be wheeled out whenever Bush's popularity is falling. If the US economy goes into recession, Fox news immediately transmits footage of Saddam injecting weed killer into Mom's apple pie whilst cackling demonically.

3) Saddam is rehabilitated in the public consciousness by MTV's new hit series: At Home with the Husseins. Millions tune in to watch Saddam's dog make a mess on the carpet, and get pistol-whipped.

4) Benetton launches controversial new ad campaign for its range of 'Saddam-wear', including ribbed military sweaters, Frank Spencer berets and Arab robes, with the slogan 'Saddam-wear - as wicked as he is.' After a few months, everyone in the Western world is dressed like the Iraqi despot.

5) US government finally realises the new Iraqi government wants to set up an Islamic state and kick the Americans out, so Saddam is promptly returned to power with billions of dollars worth of military hardware and torture equipment.

Comment on this article: letters@thefridaything.co.uk

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