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Home > World

WAWIBF: Alparslan Yigit

A Turkish criminal is given 90 of the best...

22 October 2003

Turkey wants desperately to join the European Union. There are those however, who maintain that the Turks are still a bunch of prehistoric goat-fucking kiddie-fiddling peasants whose leaders don't even have the gumption to spin a sheen of legitimacy over their various human rights abuses, and as such Turkey is simply not ready to join such a fine upstanding family of democratic nations. Well, thatís as well as may be, but, if the case of drunk and disorderly Alparslan Yigit is anything to go by, their justice system kicks arse.

Jails are overcrowded in Turkey much as they are most of everywhere else, so rather than throwing another pointless drunk into the self-perpetuating hell of an Oliver Stone screenplay, the judge presiding over Yigitís case had to come up with another punishment. And thankfully, he was a wise old judge. So, instead of fifteen days in prison, Yigil is now serving his time in a library, where every day for ninety minutes for a whole month, he is being forced to read.

Of course there will be those who scoff at this 'punishment' and lament zero tolerance stances of the past when drunks were whipped and clamped into stocks, then pelted with rotting fruit and dung. But these people are idiots, and they have plainly failed to grasp the true power of knowledge. Incidentally, and significantly, Yigil was furious with his punishment and felt humiliated. He apparently compared the humiliation to that which he felt when "doing the dishes at home." So you can see, a fine example of someone in desperate need of having his tiny tiny mind broadened. A man who needs to understand and appreciate the breathtaking enormity of the human experience.

The written word after all, is without doubt the most important, powerful and empowering thing that our under-evolved species has created. A basic understanding of how it works and the power it has to help transform our world into a better place should be tortured if necessary, into every last one of us. So this book-fearing fuck better be regularly tested. Apparently there is a supervisor standing by to make sure he doesn't just leaf through the pages, a precaution which is both a waste of money and utterly ineffective. The only way to ensure that he is reading the words, digesting and understanding their significance and therefore actually, improving his mind, broadening his horizons
and making him a happier, less destructive member of the universal community - which we assume was the point in the first place - is to test him. An informal chat would do, just to make sure heís getting the main points.

Oh God. A horrible thought. What if they make him read crap books? Jeffrey Archer maybe. Or, much more likely and maybe even more hideous, what if the only book they actually make him read is the fucking Koran? Now that really would be criminal.

Less Fatwas, More Reading:


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